College Bound: Packing Your Communication Skills For a Healthy Dorm Life

College is a transitional period of life that promises enormous growth and with it, overwhelming amounts of change. For the first time in their lives, many young people find themselves completely or semi self-sufficient. Teen movies and melodrama miniseries on television depict college as a never ending party scene. Like me, many young people entering college are unaware of the psychosocial pressures, responsibility and difficulties that follow their celebration of receiving an acceptance letter.

One major concern for college students is dealing with roommates. Roommates and sharing living space can have a large impact on the college experience. After unpacking your bags and getting over the high from being away from home, the reality of cohabitation with a stranger sets in.

The key to successful roommate relationships is communication. Keep in mind that everyone comes from different cultural, social and family backgrounds. Hence, no two people who have never met communicate quite the same. You’ll encounter either people who are passive and don’t express their thoughts outright; or, assertive people who clearly speak their minds. Then, there are aggressive people who hide behind a guise of being assertive when really, they’re just rude and overbearing. Finally, you may end up living with a passive-aggressive person. They don’t always communicate effectively, act out to express their anger, and believe that the rest of the world lives in his or her mind. Everyone has a little bit of each communication style. Identify the communication style of your roommates as soon as possible.

Passive people can be very trying to have a fruitful conversation with. It’s like playing a guessing game as to what they’re feeling. Always validate what they tell you. Never disregard the input of someone that you’re talking with. With passive people, it may be tempting to override what they say or you can become easily frustrated with their inability to have a discussion. Be patient, repeat back what they do say and work with the information that they gave you. Passive people tend to agree with the speaker and understand all perspectives of a situation.

Assertive people are forthright in their opinions. Typically, they can confidently converse with you about an incident and compromise accordingly. Contrastingly, aggressive people are very difficult to compromise with. They may try to speak over you, make insults or refuse to modify their offensive behavior. Minor disputes can morph into unbridgeable divides if an aggressive roommate gets out of control.

If you find roommate relationships to be unmanageable, approach your Resident Assistant (RA) as soon as possible. The responsibility of an RA is to intervene when there are stalemates between residents. Always attempt to resolve an issue with your other suitemates before going to an RA. That speaks to your maturity and your roommates will find you to be trustworthy.

Rest assured that the categories mentioned above are not cookie cutter shapes. An assertive person may also have hints of aggressive and passive aggressive behavior. It’s never safe to assume that someone is telling you absolutely everything that bothers him or her. In these instances, you can only react to what someone tells you.

Quarrels and all out suitemate wars can erupt over seemingly irrelevant things such as: being too noisy, untidiness, having company over too often etc. At their worst, roommate arrangements gone awry make you feel the need to walk on eggshells while at home. To avoid conflict, sit down with all of your suitemates after settling into the dorm or apartment. Establish some ground rules. Then, everyone will be clear about the expectations of their cohabitants.

Initially, everyone will boast of a carefree and lax college mentality as if nothing could possibly bother him or her. Don’t be naive. Misunderstandings happen. Be honest with the people you live with. Listen to whoever is speaking and develop a medium ground with plenty of room for compromise on the sticky issues. College is a wonderful time of self discovery. It’s better spent on improving yourself versus meandering around skirmishes over simple mishaps like leaving the light on or the sink full of dirty dishes.