Heal Your Broken Heart
Healing a broken heart can be one of life’s most difficult challenges; however, taking specific action can reduce the length of time it takes to overcome heartache. One of the great hurdles faced after a break up are the constant and recurring negative thoughts about the relationship. Fortunately, recent research from the field of Positive Psychology gives us tools with which to break this cycle. Let’s first look at what causes the negative thinking and then the steps you can take to rise above it.
There are two factors contributing to negative thinking post break-up. The first factor comes from breaking the world that has developed around a specific relationship. This world may include sharing a home, resources, children, social lives, friends, and more than this – a future and dreams. When a relationship does not work out, the map that you have created for your life is erased. The question you might ask when this happens is, “Where do I go from here?”
The second factor contributing to negative thoughts involves a break in your self-perception. For many, a divorce or break up may come after years of being with someone. In this case, individuals often identify themselves as the wife of someone, the boyfriend of someone, the mother of someone, the father of someone – as part of a unit. Subsequently, individual character strengths, goals, and dreams are often forgotten. You may not recall how to be on your own and the question you then ask is, “Who am I without this relationship?”
When the questions above lead to negative answers, the cycle of negative thinking begins. When asking yourself, “Where do I go from here?”, you may answer, “It doesn’t matter anymore without my ex.” When answering the question, “Who am I?”, you may think, “Well, I’m no one now or I’m not sure who I am.” Negative thoughts develop a momentum that spurs more negativity and eventually the pain becomes a constant. So, how does one get out of the vicious cycle of post break-up heartache? Self-dispute.
To fight your negative thoughts, begin a process that Positive Psychologist, Martin Seligman, refers to as self-dispute. Seligman states in his research on Learned Optimism that if someone outside yourself, let’s say a co-worker, accused you of something, you would dispute him. You would gather every last bit of evidence to dispute the claim and shred the accusations to pieces. Seligman says, in the same regard, you can recognize your own catastrophic thinking and dispute yourself. In this, you can actually destroy your own negative thoughts.
No matter what your age or circumstance, there is hope to find joy in your life again. If you sit quietly and contemplate your life, you will find adversity from the past that seemed insurmountable, yet you were able to overcome it. With this logic, you can begin the process of self-dispute. If you are suffering from a broken heart, try the act of self-dispute to break the cycle of negative thoughts.
Amelie Chance is a Certified Coach of Positive Psychology and expert contributor for Mental Health News. Amelie teaches people how to heal their broken hearts using positive psychology at www.healmybrokenheart.com.