Study Shows People Who Forgive Are Happier
Psychologist Frederic Luskin has discovered that people who forgive are happier and healthier. This was true even when the original transgression was severe, like adultery, violence or sexual abuse.
The study compared physical and mental results for patients who were more forgiving or less forgiving of serious past transgressions. Patients who were more forgiving show improved physical and mental well-being. Physical benefits include healthier blood pressure, improved immunity, better cardiovascular health and better function of the neurological system. The same patients reported less emotional pain, less stress and were more self-confident. They were also more hopeful for the future, showed more compassion and compared to the less-forgiving group had better quality of life overall.
Some of the transgressions forgiven were severe, as when a long-married woman found that her husband was having an affair with her best friend. Still, the study found that by not forgiving and harboring resentment, the patient actually suffered more.
According to Dr. Luskin, forgiveness is an assertion that past painful events will not control your destiny. Patients who were willing to forgive refused to be controlled or defined by past violence. Instead, they resolved to have a better life today and in the future, despite past setbacks.
Luskin emphasizes that forgiving is an internal process that addresses hurt instead of denying it. By forgiving, the patient takes charge of his or her own life, rather than feeling victimized by others.
Experts in the emerging field of positive psychology advise several steps to letting go of the pain. Patients need to recognize, accept and work through their feelings. Journaling, writing letters (even if they are unmailed), and talking with a trusted friend or therapist can be helpful.
Patients should separate this incident from other painful experiences in the past. It may help to compare the current situation to other hurtful memories from the past.
The third step is the hardest for many patients. They must look at the situation from the other person’s perspective and try to understand their point of view. The partner who discovers her husband has been cheating on her needs to examine the relationship, trying to understand the reasons why he chose this course of action. Acceptance is important – the patient must be aware that history has been written and the past cannot be changed. However, with forgiveness and a positive outlook, the patient is in charge of his or her future happiness.
By Joni Holderman, [email protected], contributing reporter for Mental Health News.